A Better Me!

Last week God spoke to me and said, "I need you to be a better spiritual leader." God spoke it with such love and gentleness that i almost began to cry. I knew at once what He was talking about.
You see in the past I have chosen to a friend in place where i should be leading by example. Instead of speaking a Word to encourage i would talk as friend to console. I cared more about having a friend, than i did about leading a person closer to Jesus Christ. I have seen this pattern in my life. I did not like, but i did not know i could do other wise.
Then God started to show me in the Word what friends, true friends really are. It started with David and Jonathan. God knitted the soul and Jonathan and the soul of David to gather. Then they entered into covenant together. Jonathan gave David his armor and weapons, and the bible says he did because Jonathan loved David as his own soul! (1 Samuel 18) Sounds allot like what Jesus said about Loving others as your self!
David and Jonathan where such good friends that after Jonathan was killed in battle and his Fathers entire house hold that David asked, "Is there anyone left in the house hold of Saul that i may show kindness to for Jonathan's sake?" There was allot more that happened between Jonathan and David. I think it would be great for anyone wanting to know more about biblical friendship to read 1 Samuel 18-2 Samuel 2. It is not that long, and it shows a great example of covenant friendship.
But what i leaded the most from there story is how they were both able to speak into one another life. Jonathan was able to advise David and David was able to advise Jonathan, even though Saul, Jonathan's father wanted to, and even tyred killing David. If the new testament church could just get to that level of covenant with one another.
Then i read in Proverbs chapter 27 verse 17, which says' "As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." How awesome is that. When God puts us together with friends, it is not so we just have a buddy, we are to help each other grow and learn, sharpen one another. Gods plans for friendship is to have people around you that challenge you to grow to the next level, and you are supposed to help them grow to the next level!
How do two people both help each other grow? By being different! I am strong in areas that others are not and others are strong in areas that i am not. If I only hang around people that are like me then we can challenge each other to grow to a degree. I have found that the people that challenge me to grow the most are the ones that i truly don't have that much in common with. I have a friend that i am in close covenant with, he and i have some past histories in common, but we are really two total different people. But out of all my friends he challenges me the most. I would like to believe that i challenge him as well.
So to bring it all together, God wants me to be a better spiritual leader because there are people that i know that need a friend that will challenge them to grow. They do not really need a buddy, they have plenty of them, they need a covenant friend! I choose to be that Friend for them, for God! NLM

When you are learning to feel.

Today i realized, i still haven't master my emotions. When i am faced with an emotionally taxing realization, i turn back to my old ways, and quick. If any of you knew the emotional wreck that was Matt Crowe then you know that is not a good thing.
I found my self getting angry in a situation that i should have laugh off. I didn't like being angry, so i tried to deal with my anger. I even said i was sorry for it, and explained why i thought i was angry. But then a few seconds later there was anger again.
On my home from work God started to show me the root of my anger. It wasn't at all what i thought it would be. I thought it would have something to do with the situation that i was getting angry in, but it did not! The situation was just a release for the anger. The anger was caused by an emotional reaction from a different situation all together! Then to top it off the emotional reaction i was having was not anger either!
The root of the entire problem was that I realized today that my best friend is going away for 10 month. I was sad about it, but I don't know how to deal with sad to in my mixed up emotional mind i transferred the sadness to anger. Because anger is am emotion i know what to do with. God really show me all of this in about 2 seconds. I like it when God points out an area of my life i need to work on. Because it lets me know that He is not finished with me at all. That He Loves me enough to talk to about the areas in my life that i miss it in.
I am not going to bed the way i woke up. I will learn and grow in this situation. This is one of though time i am glad i have a relationship with God!